The Sanely Funny Humor Magazine

 

A New Work List For The Human Race
Given Our Current Work Habits, We Sure Could Use One

Wouldn’t it be revelatory if a helpful hand would came out of the clouds and give the human race a new work list? Given our present doings, we sure could use one.

But, since the hand does not seem to be forthcoming, we decided to take the hint and do our best to help develop one. To get the new work list started, we present the following recap of our current work list and then our suggestions for inclusion in a new work list.

First, let’s review the regrettable list humans have been working on.

Current Work List

1.   War of the week

2.   Terrorism as a mistaken assignment from the CEO

3.   Office politics as usual

4.   Religious beliefs even doubted by the kids in daycare

5.   Mandated sexual behavior

6.   Murder as an unsatisfactory solution to disputes, etc.

7.   Robbery as a frequent perk

8.   Kidnapping for a bonus

9.   Bad news as an everyday effluent

10. Catty comments about personal trivia

11. Intolerant attitudes about fashion preferences

12. Wasteful methods of production

13. General dereliction in regard to care of headquarters worldwide

14. Hoping for outplacement

15. Confused mission statement; a real hodgepodge

As a fellow worker in the fields of human endeavor, what do you think?

Our opinion is, we’re in trouble.

Now, let’s take a look at our suggestions for a start on a new work list.

New Work List

1.   Peaceful conduct at all times

2.   Terrorism as cause for dismissal

3.   Office politics based on mutual consideration

4.   Religious beliefs acceptable even by the legal department, namely, based on the sanctity of life, with all its finite and infinite implications, including the freedom of all staffers to make what they consider responsible decisions in regard to on-the-job performance and in their personal lives

5.   Recognition of all sexual behavior among consenting adults that does not result in physical injury

6.   Kindness as the usual modus operandi

7.   Respect for individual and company property

8.   Napping in preference to kidnapping

9.   Good news as an everyday effluent

10. Limit cattiness about personal trivia to private snickering

11. Tolerant attitudes about even unsightly fashion preferences

12. Efficient methods of production

13. Care and repair of headquarters worldwide

14. Worker contentment

15. Clear Mission Statement. Suggested theme: “Have faith in life; it’s smarter than we are.”

We like it.

If you agree, share this starter list with your friends. Add your own ideas, as long as they’re life-enhancing.

If somebody prefers the old list, tell them the famous story of what Diogenes The Cynic said to Alexander the Great when the storied warrior decided to visit the Cynic, who was sunning himself.

Alexander approached the professionally impoverished philosopher, who reportedly lived in a clay barrel, and asked, “Oh, great Diogenes, tell me what you would like me to do for you and I will grant it.”

Diogenes replied, “Please, step a little to the side. You’re blocking the sunlight.”

By Tom Attea

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