The Sanely Funny Humor Magazine


New Government Study Fails To Locate Mexicans
Who Know What A Ladder Is

An extensive study by the U. S. government of Mexicans hoping to enter America illegally has concluded that not a single one of them knows what a ladder is.This key finding has given impetus to funding for extensions of the border fence between America and Mexico.

As President Bush noted, “Today is a lucky day for America. We have learned that aspiring illegal immigrants cannot resort to ladders, because they never heard of them. So all we need is a fence that’s too high to jump over.”

He then inked a bill authorizing 700 more miles of fence along the U. S. and Mexican border.

Yet there were troubling findings. For instance, customs and Border Protection statistics reveal that apprehensions at border crossings are down 8% nationally but up in the San Diego sector, an area that has the most fencing.

Of course, this discovery provokes the question, How can the illegal immigrants be getting past it?

A special government task force will look into the matter. Members will be equipped with binoculars for both day and night vision so they can determine just how the Mexicans are defeating the fence. Possible explanations are tunneling and pole vaulting.

Regardless of what the watchdogs discover, we cannot but return to one of the most asinine instances of misjudgment in the history of the nation. We build one factory after another to take advantage of the cheap labor in communist China, while we ignore the cheap labor in a democracy on the other side of our own border. Not to mention the cheap labor in all of South America.

Instead of being the leading economic benefactor in our own hemisphere, we have chosen to expend the majority of our money proving that a repressive communist nation on the other side of the globe can achieve astonishing economic success with the open wallet of the leading capitalist country.

The perception is enough to make you walk up to the wall and bang your forehead against it. But that would be counterproductive. Obviously, America needs all the brains it can get.

By Tom Attea