CULTURE & COMEDY

J. K. Rowling Retracts; Calls Dumbledore “A Real Stud Muffin.”

Reacting to outrage from Harry Potter fans about her statement, “I always thought of Dumbledore as gay,” author J. K. Rowling now reportedly maintains that he is, after all, heterosexual; in face, extraordinarily so.

“I’m deeply sorry for my erroneous memory,” she is said to have admitted. “Dumbledore is actually a stud muffin.”

Rowling, however, may cause just as much of an outrage with that statement. Whatever Dumbledore is, other than the leading wizard of nonexistent realms, many fans are bound to be taken back by any assertion that pertains to him about sex.

After all, his wizardly expertise has made him a hero to children the world over. And these days, how many parents would have the wizardry just to sit down with their children and explain that sex is the delightful and perfectly natural activity to which we all owe our lives?

But, given Rowling's age, it seems likely that we’ll hearing revelations about the Potter pantheon for years to come. On the other hand, given that millions of people actually care about J. K.'s voluminous phantasmagorias,it does seem the better part of wizardry for her to wave a wand over her tongue and immobilize it.

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