DOLLARS AND NONSENSE

CONSUMER PRICES GAS UP; SURPRISED, WALL STREET TANKS

As the price of gasoline continued its flaming ascent and interest rates rose once again, the Fed announced that consumer prices were edging up. Surprised, Wall Street tanked.

An analyst for Bear Stearns explained, “Individual indicators don’t necessarily predict the overall trend. But, of course, if prices had gone down, that might have meant a slowdown in sales, which could also have sent stocks into the tank.”

A frazzled individual investor, who witnessed his portfolio lose over 50% of its value in five minutes, took a swig of Mylanta, and said, “I’ve gotten used to the ups and downs. The only thing that goes up all the time is my blood pressure.”

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