DOLLARS & NONSENSE

Airlines Accused Of Illicit Effort To Survive

British and American governmental watchdogs have launched an investigation into the major airlines that fly to and from Britain, suspecting that they might have conspired to fix fuel surcharges that they extract from their passengers. The investigation may result in criminal charges, civil penalties or both of the foregoing.

British Airways, American Airlines, United Airlines, and Virgin Atlantic said they were assisting in the investigation by admitting that the practice, while ill-advised, is a desperate attempt to survive.

A spokesman for the airlines noted, “We’ve been struggling to turn a profit for the same reason our customers can hardly afford to drive to the airport. The price of oil, which has sent the cost of jet fuel up 21% just this year. And, as the ancient Chinese philosopher, who also commented famously on the laundry business, said, ‘No fuel, no fly.’”

Consumer advocates, however, maintain that the fuel surcharges are actually a way for airlines to raise fares by more than the additional cost of fuel.

Airline executives are expected to fall on their knees before the judge and plead for the right charge as much as they can, while they assert that, should they be forced out of business, there are not enough steamships in service to pick up the slack in transatlantic travel.

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