DREADLINE

Terrorists Realize Not Setting Good Example For Children;
Vow To Become Nonviolent

To our astonishment and delight, terrorist organizations worldwide have begun to post messages on their Websites that indicate their most explosive days may be behind them. And not just because many of them have already blown themselves up.

It seems that a Muslim cleric with a high degree of holy clout has told the misguided dupes that blowing themselves and other people up, shooting people in the back of the head while their hands are tied behind their backs, and decapitating anyone who doesn’t see entirely eye to eye with them does not set a good example for children. The cleric was even kind enough to include all children, instead of just Muslim children.

The reversal is especially significant because the greatest hope of the terrorists was in setting a bad example for children, so they could recruit more of them for various dynamite tasks.

Ayman al-Zawahire, the usual spokesman for al-Qaeda’s violent spews, made a new tape in which he said, “Now, I see that Osama and I were wrong. Al-Qaeda should not set a bad example for children, especially since long ago and far away I was a pediatrician. We’re going to limit our explosives to holiday firecrackers.”

Meanwhile, President Bush reacted with skepticism to the announcement, saying, “I’ll believe it when Al-Qaeda has been nonviolent long enough for a child to fly with more than 3 ounces of bubble-blowing liquid.”

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