WHAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

MOVIE THEATER OWNERS MISS LONG LINES. PROMISE POPCORN WITH REAL BUTTER

Today, movie theater owners across America fell on their knees and apologized to the millions of fans who they were once content to let stand in long lines, even on frigid winter evenings, while the latest hit movie enthralled fans in the warm enclave inside.

Now, fraught with the toll DVD rental and video games have taken on their audience, they opined, “How could we have been so highhanded with you, beloved movie buff? Why didn’t we have the sense to put the hit show on in two or three of our theaters, so you wouldn’t have to freeze your buns off?”

Then with a wry smile, they noted, “Please, come back. Give us lines again. We’ll even sell popcorn that’s made with real butter instead of that slimy yellow mystery coating we foisted on you during the good times.”

No longer the unrivaled masters of filmic delight, they recently also took umbrage with the ever-briefer span between the release of a film and its appearance on DVD.

Ah, how the mighty have been humbled, but what a daunting task they face in regaining those enviable lines. After all, how comfy it is at home with your own DVD or your joystick and, as the memory of long and discouraging lines at movie theaters moves ever closer to the back of your mental filing cabinet, delight beyond hope, you can even enjoy popcorn you rustle up with real butter.

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