FOREIGN INTRIGUE

NEW KIND OF IRAQI INSURGENTS EYE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

A new and overdue brand of insurgency has gripped a handful of Iraqis, who dare to claim that they are fed up with blowing up each other and whatever infrastructure the U. S. is able to rebuild for them. 

This radical minority has actually begun to discuss openly that self-destructive behavior may not be in the national interest.  Some have even dared to allude to the fact that if peace had been maintained since the defeat of Saddam Hussein, their dearest wish as ingrates would already been far along the way to realization, that is, the departure from their beloved, if dusty, land of U. S. and coalition forces, variously labeled, not as the liberators they so gloriously are, but as unwelcome occupiers and excoriated infidels.

This admittedly miniscule group of Iraqis hope to convince all factions that constructive cooperation offers a far promising alternative than rampant self-detonation.  

Although they have, expectedly enough, met with entrenched resistance, especially from disaffected Sunnis, the once-dominant minority, and inflammatory clerics who wish to maintain their grip over the desperately confused populace, they hope that the wisdom of their reformatory agenda will become widely acknowledged and, after a bit of a tussle, the reformed modus operandi of the newborn nation.  Being inveterate optimists, even in the face of the widespread self-destructive behavior that has characterized the nation since the invasion, their fondest hope is to achieve the transformation while there are still enough Iraqis alive to have a country.   

Meanwhile, the new Palestinian leadership, long among the world’s most expert adherents of self-destructive behavior, is reportedly monitoring developments in Iraq.  Should the emerging voice there for realistic and productive behavior alter events in favor of the true self-interest of Iraqis, there is some, admittedly exceedingly remote, chance that the Palestinians will moderate their own deeply cherished dedication to self-destructive behavior.

A spokesman for Hamas confided, “We think it’s OK to shoot yourself in the foot once in a while, but when you’ve done it for so long that you notice you don’t have anymore feet to shoot at, you begin to wonder if there might be a more intelligent way to achieve your entirely self-interested goals.”

Meanwhile, the Bush administration continued to reassure the American public that the U. S. was making progress in creating a government in Iraq that can lead to a free and independent Iraq.  The President stated, “If you’re going to have a country that is well-governed, the first thing you need is a government, and we’re beginning to see some movement in that direction.  In fact, the Iraqi leadership has scheduled a meeting to discuss the benefits of having a government.” 

A key democratic opponent of the war rebutted the President’s speech, saying, “He failed to mention that his vision of Iraq is very likely a fairytale that he keeps telling himself, and it’s time for him to understand that for thousands of years peace in the Middle East has been a contradiction in terms.  Moses couldn’t make it.  Christ couldn’t make it.  And, by golly, George Bush can’t make it.”

When asked if he felt that one day Iraqis might express even token appreciation for the sacrifices America has made to free them from the murderous tyranny of Saddam Hussein and give them the opportunity to live free and dignified lives, he declined to comment, perhaps aware that such a modicum of gratitude would place an unrealistic demand on a population currently absorbed in making their day-to-day lives as horrific as possible.

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