SHREDITORIAL
In our opinion, entirely too much attention is being paid to the Middle East by us and the rest of the civilized world.
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HEY, USA
BIOFUEL MAKES CARS
MAKE FUNNY SOUNDS
Americans may soon be able to enjoy the road more than they expect.
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FOREIGN FRIENDS
AND WOES
FRENCH ANNOUNCE THEY
REMEMBER WORLD WAR II
Jacques Chirac proposes holiday called Merci Beaucoup, Amerique! He is pelted with baguettes.
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WASHINGTON
SPIN DIN
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.” Mark Twain
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HILARIOUS SPOOF
OF THE WEEK
TOTALLY SAFE SEX
"Just sign this simple Sex Consent Form," Don told he girl friend, Jane, "and we can go on to enjoy a night of carefree bliss." FULL STORY
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DOLLARS
AND NONSENSE
Can American remain the most powerful nation on earth when it's in the service business?
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WHAT
THE TECH
Microsoft announces that one out of every ten purchasers of its new Vista operating system will be able to install it on one computer at no additional charge.
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HEALTH
AND PRICES
Scientists at Johns Hopkins have discovered that stem-cell research may lead to improvements in intelligence. They immediately invited President Bush to participate in the clinical trials.
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LAW
AND DISORDER
The American Bar Association recommended that lawyers bill clients in a way they can understand.
Over 10,000 irate members immediately filed an injunction to stop the measure.
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CULTURE
As the ideals of the Enlightenment continue to be eclipsed by the encroachment of a New Dark Age, we may all be consoled that symphony orchestras around the world continue to perform superbly.FULL STORY
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WHAT'S ENTERTAINMENT
Anybody seen or heard any lately?
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SPORTS SHORTS
The cause of the American team's poor performance in the winter Olympics has been determined. The games took place in Italy and most of the members simply overate.
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CLEVER MONKEY
OF THE WEEK
DONALD RUMSFELD
For announcing that, after an extensive study of military preparedness, he has been able to determine that the American armed forces are apparently armed.
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WEATHER
& POLLUTION
As snow piles up in the Northeast and the glaciers continue to melt in Alaska, confused Eskimos have been migrating to Times Square.
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QUOTE
OF THE WEEK
"The first thing that usually strikes a visitor to New York is a taxicab.” Anonymous
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