© 2006 NewsLaugh.com
SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY
1/4 OF WORLD’S OIL RESERVES IN ARTIC
U. S. SEEKS TO JOIN OPEC
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Recent exploration of sediment deep beneath the Artic Ocean has led geologists to estimate that approximately 1/4 of the world’s untapped oil and gas reserves are located there. After evaluating the impact of the news, the U. S. will seek membership in OPEC.
President Bush, smiling and joking with King Abdullah at a press briefing in Nome, stated, “Since it looks like we’ve got about has much oil off Alaska as our good friend the King here has in the Saudi desert, it seems like a pretty good idea for America to consider membership in OPEC. The least you can say is, maybe then we’ll have more influence on prices at the pump.”
King Abdullah, who flew in for a tour the newly oil-rich region with President Bush and Vice President Cheney, commented, “Until now, I thought a country had to have a lot of sand to have oil. Now, I see it can also have a lot of snow. If America wants to join OPEC, we will be very happy to consider the application. But, of course, we only have one vote.”
“Wow, just think,” an American SUV driver, who was at a gas station pumping out his wallet, said, “if the U. S. is part of OPEC, I might even be able to keep this gas guzzler.”
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DREADLINE OF THE WEEK
Relaxed And Happy
American Located;
Agrees To Brief Interview
Despite the troubling news that assails us each day and seems bent on convincing us that we should all be the tense and unhappy recipients of its worldwide outrages, we remained confident that maybe somewhere there was still at least one American who has remained relaxed and happy.
Intent on locating the indomitable soul, should there still be one, we spread out across the nation and, just as we were ready to drop our shoulders and sigh with hopelessness, we saw a man walking down the street of a small resort town in the Northeast, whistling and singing the song Louis Armstrong made eternally popular, “What A Wonderful World.”
We suspected we might, at long last, have our man.
We confessed who we are and asked if he’d consent to an interview.
“Sure,” he replied, “but only a short one. So I can stay relaxed and happy.”
For whatever it may do to help you achieve your own peace and bliss, the interview follows.
FULL STORY
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SHREDITORIAL
Surprise At Trial
Of Saddam Hussein;
Everybody Murdered Still Alive
FULL STORY
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HEY, USA
America: Still So Young No Americans Allowed
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FOREIGN FUN
Taliban Asserts Control
Of North Waziristan;
Tourism Dips
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WASHINGTON
SPIN DIN
Bush Seeks To Heal Riff With Hollywood; Schedules Lunch With Jane Fonda
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SPOOF OF THE WEEK
Dr. Coburn Shows
How You Can
Just Say No To Sex
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DOLLARS
& NONSENSE
Toyota Issues Recall.
GM Execs Celebrate
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WHAT THE TECH
New Minicomputer
Fits Under
Graduation Ring
FULL STORY |
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HEALTHY HUMOR
Europeans Uncertain About Smoking Ban;
Many Opt For Cancer
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LAW
& LAUGHTER
Human Population
Suprasses 6.5 Billion.
Other Species Protest
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CULTURE & COMEDY
John Updike Pens New Novel,
Called Terrorist.
Critics Laud
Originality
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WHAT'S ENTERTAINMENT
New Reality Show
Debuts, Called
New Orleans, Sink Or Swim
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SPORTS SHORTS
Carbon Dioxide Builds Up
In Atmosphere; Makes
Running Bases Harder
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CLEVER MONKEY
The U. S. Military.
For seeking to quell unrest
In Iraq by giving insurgents
an IQ Test
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WEATHER & WILDLIFE
Debate on Global Warming Reaches Hurricane Strength
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WITTY QUOTE
Civilization "means that violence, the rule of warriors and despotic chiefs, the conditions of camps and warfare, of riot and tyranny, give place to parliaments where law are made, and independent courts of justice in which over long periods those laws are maintained.” Winston Churchill
About Tom Attea, Humorist
And
Creator Of NewsLaugh
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