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SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

1/4 OF WORLD’S OIL RESERVES IN ARTIC
U. S. SEEKS TO JOIN OPEC

Bush and Cheney with King Abdullah In Artic

Recent exploration of sediment deep beneath the Artic Ocean has led geologists to estimate that approximately 1/4 of the world’s untapped oil and gas reserves are located there. After evaluating the impact of the news, the U. S. will seek membership in OPEC.

President Bush, smiling and joking with King Abdullah at a press briefing in Nome, stated, “Since it looks like we’ve got about has much oil off Alaska as our good friend the King here has in the Saudi desert, it seems like a pretty good idea for America to consider membership in OPEC. The least you can say is, maybe then we’ll have more influence on prices at the pump.”

King Abdullah, who flew in for a tour the newly oil-rich region with President Bush and Vice President Cheney, commented, “Until now, I thought a country had to have a lot of sand to have oil. Now, I see it can also have a lot of snow. If America wants to join OPEC, we will be very happy to consider the application. But, of course, we only have one vote.”

“Wow, just think,” an American SUV driver, who was at a gas station pumping out his wallet, said, “if the U. S. is part of OPEC, I might even be able to keep this gas guzzler.”
FULL STORY

DREADLINE OF THE WEEK

Relaxed And Happy
American Located;
Agrees To Brief Interview

Despite the troubling news that assails us each day and seems bent on convincing us that we should all be the tense and unhappy recipients of its worldwide outrages, we remained confident that maybe somewhere there was still at least one American who has remained relaxed and happy.

Intent on locating the indomitable soul, should there still be one, we spread out across the nation and, just as we were ready to drop our shoulders and sigh with hopelessness, we saw a man walking down the street of a small resort town in the Northeast, whistling and singing the song Louis Armstrong made eternally popular, “What A Wonderful World.”

We suspected we might, at long last, have our man.

We confessed who we are and asked if he’d consent to an interview. “Sure,” he replied, “but only a short one. So I can stay relaxed and happy.”

For whatever it may do to help you achieve your own peace and bliss, the interview follows.
FULL STORY

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SHREDITORIAL

Surprise At Trial
Of Saddam Hussein;
Everybody Murdered Still Alive

FULL STORY

HEY, USA

America: Still So Young No Americans Allowed


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FOREIGN FUN

Taliban Asserts Control
Of North Waziristan;
Tourism Dips

FULL STORY

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

Bush Seeks To Heal Riff With Hollywood; Schedules Lunch With Jane Fonda

FULL STORY

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

Dr. Coburn Shows
How You Can
Just Say No To Sex

FULL STORY

 

DOLLARS & NONSENSE

Toyota Issues Recall.
GM Execs Celebrate


FULL STORY

WHAT THE TECH

New Minicomputer
Fits Under
Graduation Ring

FULL STORY

 

HEALTHY HUMOR

Europeans Uncertain About Smoking Ban;
Many Opt For Cancer

FULL STORY

LAW & LAUGHTER

Human Population
Suprasses 6.5 Billion.
Other Species Protest

FULL STORY

CULTURE & COMEDY

John Updike Pens New Novel,
Called Terrorist.
Critics Laud Originality

FULL STORY

WHAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

New Reality Show
Debuts, Called
New Orleans, Sink Or Swim

FULL STORY

SPORTS SHORTS

Carbon Dioxide Builds Up
In Atmosphere; Makes
Running Bases Harder

FULL STORY

CLEVER MONKEY

The U. S. Military.
For seeking to quell unrest
In Iraq by giving insurgents
an IQ Test

FULL STORY

WEATHER & WILDLIFE

Debate on Global Warming Reaches Hurricane Strength



FULL STORY

WITTY QUOTE

Civilization "means that violence, the rule of warriors and despotic chiefs, the conditions of camps and warfare, of riot and tyranny, give place to parliaments where law are made, and independent courts of justice in which over long periods those laws are maintained.” Winston Churchill

About Tom Attea, Humorist
And Creator Of NewsLaugh

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