SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY
A BOMB FOR A BOMB
AND A ROCKET FOR A ROCKET
WHAT HATH TERRORISM WROUGHT
BUT A NEW CODE OF HAMMURABI
Look far and wide, and what do we see? The most civilized nations, at least, the ones we've got at this point in our nascent human development, having made an uneasy accommodation to behavior that they would historically wretch at as downright repellent.
It’s none other than the law of Hammurabi, or tit for tat, writ in TNT.
So we arrive at the big question. What hath terrorism wrought?
Must we be reduced to combating it in the murderously unethical mud out of which it launches its salvos or is there a way to remain on a higher plane while we contend with it for world domination, truth, justice, and American TV?
Would we be the folks in the white hats, albeit soiled, if we couldn't? But how might we achieve what presents itself as an unlikely distinction?
Why, simply by abstaining from being as unconscionably ruthless as the terrorists.
To go on a bit, with your patient indulgence at a brief suspension of the expected hilarity, in the interest of saying what we all need to hear: In the defense of life, we must do our best never to harm and demean it and all we can to preserve and respect it. It is by being the champions of life that we can diminish and defeat those who have no care for it.
Let life be for life and death for death; then life must win, and death, in time, die.
Is that not right, me hearties?
FULL STORY
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DREADLINE OF THE WEEK
Bush Vetoes
Charcoal Grill Bill;
Cites Carbon As Fundamental Component Of Life
As expected, George Bush vetoed the Charcoal Grill Bill that was passed by the Senate and the House – without, however, enough votes in either house to override his ill-considered flick of the pen. It was the first veto of his presidency.
Citing the role of carbon, not only in charcoal briquettes, but as the fundamental component of life, Mr. Bush stated, “You’ve got to respect carbon. Without it, none of us would be here.” He then pointed to himself, and said, “For instance, I wouldn’t be here. I owe my life to carbon.”
Standing behind him were a number of effervescently grateful families who had been invited to participate in the photo op.
Mr. Bush, smiling broadly, picked up one of the kids, and stated, “Same goes for all these families and their wonderful children. Without carbon, they wouldn’t be here, either.”
A reporter noted, "I believe that's correct, sir, since carbon is also found in oil, and I'm sure they drove or flew in."
“Oh, s---,” Bush exclaimed. “Being the president is a lot harder than I thought. Don’t tell me. In oil, too?"
"Yes, sir, and in coal."
Well, I’m not a chemist," the President admitted. "So I’ll have to look into that." FULL STORY
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