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SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

UNCLE SAM’S SHAKY TRANSITION TO EMPIRE

HAVING THE RIGHT STRATEGY
SHOULD WOULD HELP


Bombs and Rockets Flying At Each Other With "Take This" And "Take That" Written On Them

Uncomfortable as we may be with the inadvertence, we have entered the age of The American Empire. We didn’t ask for it, but here it is, like an overgrown eagle that decided, surprisingly enough, to flap into our laps. The problem is, we don’t have a clue how to take hold of that confused bird and send it off on a long and majestic flight.

Right now what we’ve usually got are most of the right intentions but all of the wrong results. Why? We have opted for a strategy that's based on what we’re just no good at and what, historically, has foiled sustainable empire – that is, we all too often attempt military solutions.

Do we even like military solutions? No. In fact, unlike empires that sought world dominion ruthlessly, we’re uneasy about conquest, not to mention killing. It goes against our childlike but redemptive faith in freedom and democracy.

What are we good at? Economic solutions. And do we like them? You bet. One of the few prescient things Cal Coolidge said is, “The business of America is business.”

And, coincidence of coincidences, what does most of the world want? War or economic success?

So here’s our strategy for the reluctant but successful conduct of the America Empire.

And Uncle Sam has to volunteer for the job. What other nation would you trust in the role?

FULL STORY


DREADLINE OF THE WEEK

Ten Things To Worry About
And Ten Not To Worry About;
Let’s Make A List

In these worrisome times, we note that we’re inclined to become so occupied with worry that we lose sight of our obligation to set aside a prudent portion of our lives to be glad we’re alive, so when the trip is over, we can think, Gee, I’m glad I was born. Now, I can croak with a smile.

In an effort to help free our minds for a reasonable amount of worry-free time, we thought we’d make a list of ten things we ought to worry about, with discretion.

But since dire events seem determined to occupy a certain part of our thinking time, we’d also like to note, even more importantly, ten indications of things we don’t have to worry about.

First, ten things we should take at least some time to worry about.

1. The Debac in Iraq
2. The Israeli-Hezbollah-Hamas Triangle
3. Osama Bomb Laden
4. America, Bushwhacked
5. Global Warming, Especially Thunderstorms On The Weekend 6. Mortgage Payments, Credit Card Bills, And Tax Audits
7. Child And Adult Molesters
8. Dumb Movies That Make Millions
9. Songs People Love That Say Nothing
10.Books That Reduce Your Intelligence.

Second, here are ten things we don’t have to worry about, at least, not that often:
FULL STORY

SHREDITORIAL

Hezbollah Stars In Middle East's
First Polish Joke

HEY, USA

States Fund Stem-Cell Research; Scientists Trade In
Tin Cups For Test Tubes

FOREIGN FUN

Muslim Women Prepare
Undercover Rebellion;
Use Internet To Order Bikinis

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

Dr. Coburn Shows
How You Can
Just Say No To Sex

Extended Spoof; Installment 9
Previous Installments Included

CULTURE & COMEDY

New Books About Science And Religion: Same Old Arguments, So Here’s A New One

TECH HUMOR

How President Garfield’s Died;
Or Being Grateful For Modern Medicine, Despite the Cost

CLEVER MONKEY

Floyd Landis
For winning the Tour De France
With A Little Help From
His Testicles

WITTY QUOTE

"An optimist is one who believes everything he reads on the jacket of a new book.” Milwaukee Journal


About Tom Attea, Humorist

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