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SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

Castro Survives. Millions Mourn.


Fidel Castro With Bandage On Behind And Caption: "Cuba Libre? Not Yet, Amigo!"

When word finally passed the lips of the communist regime in Cuba that Fidel Castro might be on his way to where his enemigos would like to see him go, Cubans in and out of the island nation celebrated. Then word began to trickle out of the party faithful that the damnable dictator survived colon surgery and the fiestas began to wind down like toy figures with batteries that are running out of juice.

The Cubanos long-cherished dream of Libertad Para Cuba would have to wait, in the lingo of the locals, until más tarde.

Imagine the bully man’s feat. He rules for 47 years, during which all corridors to commendable behavior invite his circumspection. Yet, at or near the end of his opportunity to be the beloved founder of a free and prosperous nation, he ends up so loathed that millions erupt with glee at even the rumor of his anxiously awaited demise.

Of course, there are Cubans who adore the tyrannical assassin of many of his fellow countrymen, a number, we read, who even consider him the revered founder of his current country, dilapidated as it is, especially compared to how prosperous it would be as a freedom-loving vacation haven only 90 miles off the coast of Florida.

Among his most faithful admirers and lackeys, we find his squirrel-faced and evasive brother, Raul, who is now being touted as the man who, in the event of Fidel's final knell, can guide the isle with a sure hand toward a future as lamentable as his gonzo brother managed to make its last 47 years. FULL STORY


DREADLINE OF THE WEEK

Hassan Nasrallah
Destroys Own Country;
Hailed As Hero.

If we remember correctly, a person becomes a national hero when he saves, or at least helps save, his country. So we’re a bit perplexed that Hassan Nasrallah, the supposed leader of Hezbollah, who is patiently but effectively destroying his country, is being hailed as a hero at home and in much of the Middle East.

How pathetic can hero worship get?

If results influence the estimate of actions, here we have a man who is demonstrably the world’s latest master of misjudgment, who, with the stalwart assistance of his mismanaged adherents, recklessly abducts two Israeli soldiers and precipitates a war that has so far killed over 1,000 of his own countrymen and reduced much of its infrastructure to tumbledown cement and unintended cemeteries.

Yet is the bearded dolt held responsible for the debacle and excoriated for it? No. He is acclaimed as more of a hero than ever, with his picture painted bigger than life, even on walls he has helped aerate.

What is this maniac doing making Lebanon the arch enemy of Israel? Can somebody please tap him on the shoulder and inform that him his tenure at the reins is over and that it’s time to give sanity its turn at national guidance?
FULL STORY

SHREDITORIAL

Cereal Killers
Must Be Stopped

HEY, USA

Preacher Gets Religion;
Is Overcome By Tolerance

FOREIGN FUN

Holy Shiite!
Anti-American Demonstration
In Baghdad

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

Dr. Coburn Shows
How You Can
Just Say No To Sex

Extended Spoof; The Climax
Previous Installments Included

CULTURE & COMEDY

On Bullshit
Princeton Professor Publishes Lowdown Analysis

TECH HUMOR

FDA Reconsiders
Morning-After Pill, Now Renamed Marriage-After Pill

CLEVER MONKEY

Tony Blair, Again
Maybe the cleverest monkey
on the world's political stage

WITTY QUOTE

Singer: "You know, my dear, I insured my voice for fifty-thousand dollars."

Miriam Hopkins: "That's wonderful. And what did you do with the money?"


About Tom Attea, Humorist

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