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SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY


OK, THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. WHICH ONE DO YOU
SAVE FIRST?

Frantic man in house aflame, trying to choose between saving the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Koran, or a baby.

Do you save one of the books of holy writ or the helpless babe? Be fair. You can only save one. No time for two. The flames are at your fanny.

Yes, there's some chance you can go back for a second rescue attempt, but right now the hope is too risky to influence your decision.

Let’s say you pick one of the books. What will the people, who happen to see your choice through a flame-fraught window, think of you? And, as you rush out of the incinerating house and the baby goes up in flames with it, how will they welcome you?

Now, let’s say you decide on the baby and make for the exit. What will the people looking in the window think of you now? And when you rush out with the baby in your arms, while the house and its remaining contents are going up in flames, how will they greet you?

Even more to the point, which choice will make them think you're more religious? How about which choice makes you think you're more religious?

Now, imagine that the house is the world aflame with terrorism, war, and an occasional inquisition and the baby is any person's life or, since we're at a particularly risky time, all of human life.

If you would still pick one of the books and leave the baby to the flames, please, answer the following four questions. FULL STORY

DREADLINE OF THE WEEK

 

Iran Provides
“Multifaceted Response”
To UN Nuke Demand: Launches Ten Missiles

Iran provided its long-promised “multi-faceted” response to the proposal by Western nations that the mullahdom stop enriching uranium. It conducted war games during which ten highly photographed missiles were fired in a generally westerly direction.

Of course, the West had hoped for a more obliging answer, particularly since the proposal contains an attractive package of bribes, diplomatically referred to as incentives, which reportedly includes a selection of books that apparently are no longer readily available in the fundamentalist Islamic backwater, such as the Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol.

Western diplomats felt that the feel-good tale of crotchety meanness converted to enlightened benevolence might act as a moderating force, particularly among the gray-bearded senior members of the turbaned tyranny, who do remind the partial observer of Ebenezer Scrooge before his sudden and celebrated reformation.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel commented, "We are still examining" the Iranian response, "but from everything that I hear we cannot be satisfied.

In order to bring more clarity to its response, Iran may be compelled fire off a few more pointed missives."
FULL STORY

SHREDITORIAL

About Time:
Somali Woman Flogs
Islamic Leader

HEY, USA

Chicago Criminalizes
Foie Gras


FOREIGN FUN

Bush Finally Discovers
Foreign Intrigue

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

If Embryos Could Talk



CULTURE & COMEDY

Cruise
Takes A Bruise

TECH HUMOR

Toyoto Introduces
The Toy:
The First Pedal Car
For Adults

CLEVER MONKEY

Saddam Hussein’s
Defense Attorneys:
For Admitting Genocide
But Insisting It’s OK

WITTY QUOTE

"The greatest object in the universe, says a certain philosopher, is a good man struggling with adversity; yet there is a still greater, which is the good man that comes to relieve it." Oliver Goldsmith:
The Vicar of Wakefield


About Tom Attea, Humorist

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