As Featured On Ezine Articles
Yahoo! Personals
              ©2006 NewsLaugh.com  

SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

AMERICA MAY BECOME NONALIGNED NATION
CITES WORLDWIDE INGRATITUDE

Ted Kennedy  and George Bush holding up a sign that says "Suckered In Never Again" Toward Cuba, where the nonaligned nations are meeting

In case you haven’t heard, there is a brash new movement afoot to make America a nonaligned nation. The principal motivation behind the movement is worldwide ingratitude for the sacrifices America has made for the benefit of other nations, while getting back precious little in return, materially or even in simple gratitude. Certainly, the group maintains, the payback in either form has hardly been commensurate with the sacrifices America has made in life and treasure.

The members cite, for example, the summit of nonaligned nations in Cuba, where the attendees, who Jimmy Cagney might have called “you dirty, double-crossin’ rats,” delighted to blow Cuban cigar smoke at the U. S.

Raul Castro, the distinguished and penniless stand-in for his equally distinguished and penniless older brother, evoked the enthusiastic applause characteristic of a pent-up need for self-justification when he said that the world today is shaped by the United States' "irrational pretensions for world dominance…. When there no longer is a Cold War, the United States spends one billion dollars a year in weapons and soldiers and it squanders a similar amount in commercial publicity. To think that a social and economic order that has proven unsustainable could be maintained by force is simply an absurd idea."

Responding to the comment, a leader of the movement to make America a nonaligned nation, said, “OK, Raul, we heard you. So come on. Launch another boatload of refugees to bring us to our knees.”

The new movement, which traces its origins back to the will of the founding founders, who proclaimed that America should avoid permanent foreign entanglements, is preparing a new flag, much like the familiar Colonial rallying cry in cloth: "Don't Tread On Me." It is being sewn by a gifted seamstress in New England, named Victoria Albatross. The flag will highlight the sentiment of the movement, “Suckered In Never Again!”

The powers that divide Washington, stung by America’s series of military missteps abroad, have already begun to express private support for the innovative return of America to the sentiments of its founders and the entirely radical idea that its citizens actually may have a right to "life, liberty, and [of all things] the pursuit of happiness."
FULL STORY

DREADLINE OF THE WEEK



ISRAEL TO RECOGNIZE PALESTINE'S RIGHT TO EXIST

After decades of militant resistance to the inevitable, Israel plans to recognize Palestine’s right to exist. Palestinians, who have by now grown used to the belief that they are the ones who get to decide which state has a right to exist, were bewildered by the surprise announcement.

They also puzzled over whether it means they really ought to acknowledge Israel's right to exist.

The Hamas faction of the proposed unity government remained particularly confused, demanding Israel explain exactly what it means by its recognition of Palestine’s right to exist.

Hamas also insisted that any recognition of Israel could only be addressed after certain recurrent provocations were ended, such as militant Jewish grandmothers acting as suicide bombers and malcontent Orthodox Jews firing rockets into Gaza and the West Bank that are loaded with matzo balls.

Undaunted by the intense confusion among Palestinians, Israel continued to forge ahead with its innovative plan, saying that, even if Hamas refuses to recognize Israel's right to exist, it plans to move ahead independently to recognize Palestine.

Israel’s continued insistence on recognition of Palestine only served to cause even more head scratching among Palestinians, with the leader of Hamas declaring, "What do the Israelis mean? I don't know what the ramifications of such a go-it-alone policy are. I have to think about it. We're a state, but they're not? How does that work?"

Ehud Olmert said, "In Yiddish we call what we gave them a real kinnahurra. But it's for their own good. We can only hope they eventually figure it out."
FULL STORY

SHREDITORIAL

Quick Question:
Does God Advocate Murder?

HEY, USA

New Surgeon General’s Warning Caution: Eating Spinach May Be
Hazardous To Your Health



FOREIGN FUN

Oui, Monsieur, The French
Are Not Immune. Si, Signore, Even The Pope Must Do
The Rope A Dope

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

The Invention Of Sex;
An Eyewitness Account

Part One Of
The Invention Of Everything


CULTURE & COMEDY

Lady Macbeth Just Won’t
Make Her Exit;
Now She’s A Syndrome


TECH HUMOR

Study Shows Angry People
Get More Heart Attacks;
Nice People Delighted



CLEVER MONKEY

Tony Blair
For daring to say
“mad anti-Americanism” among
European diplomats isn’t fair



WITTY QUOTE

"If anything is sacred the human body is sacred." Walt Whitman
Leaves of Grass



About Tom Attea, Humorist

Archive Of Recent Issues: Click To Enjoy Contact NewsLaugh Selected Sites
Students and teachers save up to 80% on software! Spring Products at National GeographicLendingTree Debt Consolidation Unlimited Video Game Rentals - Start Now!