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SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

WHAT IF THE MOST POWERFUL NATION ON EARTH WAS IRAN?

Ahmadinejad with nuke and saber on throne, with mullah to one side, holding nuke, too, and Chavez to the other side, with red tail, holding halo over Ahmadinejad's head.

Is everybody happy with the way the US is behaving as the worldís most powerful nation? No? Well, when has everybody ever been happy about anything? But letís think about what other nations might do a better job.

What if Russia had won the cold war? How much do you really enjoy vodka? And do you long to drive a Zil?

How about if China hadnít decided that military conquest would be too self-destructive and opted to give economic conquest a go? Wish you could dress like Chairman Mao? Or wonder when you look at the rulers in Beijing why you never see a woman? Could there be such a thing as the wonton ceiling?

Now letís move ahead to the contentious moment in which we find ourselves. Who qualifies as being especially pestiferous? Who else? Iran can.

And the leaders there seem to think they have all the right ideas, not only for their own repressed populace, but as the way the whole world ought to conduct itself.

So letís go with that. Iran is now the most powerful nation of earth. What happens?
FULL STORY

DREADLINE OF THE WEEK

Bin Laden Dead Or Alive? Since Nobody's Sure,
We Wrote Both Articles.

Bin Laden Dead

Osama Bin Laden is dead. We know this for certain, because, after five years of knowing only that he had access to a tape recorder, we were bound to know at least one thing about him that is certain.

So how do we know the info is the real deal?

One of the worldís least likely sources of the news, President Jacques Chirac of France, noted that information contained in a French intelligence document, leaked to a newspaper and based on an uncorroborated report from Saudi secret services, indicates that OBS definitely died of an outbreak of typhoid fever in Pakistan in August.

Yes, at long last, Osama Bin Laden has kicked the turban.

Bin Laden Alive

Osama Bin Laden is still alive.

While for an instant most of the world lived in the hope that the world's most detested man is dead, their leaping spirits were soon dashed on the hard rock of reality.

Regrettably, Osama Bin Laden has not yet kicked the turban.
FULL STORY

SHREDITORIAL

Diverse New Life Found
In Pacific; Set To Take Over If Humans Blow It


HEY, USA

New York Is Safest Big City;
Now, Thatís Scary



FOREIGN FUN

Iranian Woman Is First
Female Space Tourist; Agrees To Wear Spacesuit

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SPOOF OF THE WEEK

The Invention Of Land;
An Eyewitness Account

Part Two Of
The Invention Of Everything


CULTURE & COMEDY

Noam Chomsky Gets Bestseller The Incriminating Way


TECH HUMOR

New Program Allows Internet Marketers To Gather Information About Your Body



CLEVER MONKEY

The Bluegill Sunfish
For being able to detect toxins
in a city's water supply better than a high-tech wonder


WITTY QUOTE

"Broadmindedness is the result of flattening highmindedness out." George Saintsbury,
Attributed



About Tom Attea, Humorist

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