SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

IRAN MAY BECOME 51ST STATE; ONLY SAFE WAY TO GET NUKES

The crafty Iranian leadership, rethinking their agenda of reckless self-endangerment – such as their inevitably suicidal attempt to gain nuclear weapons and their calculated meddling in Iraq – have decided that the safer course of action may be to apply for U. S. statehood.

Upon admission as the 51st state, Iran would become a nuclear power without the possibility of being attacked, at least, by the United States, and George Bush could order the governor of Iran to keep his state's conniving hands out of Iraq.

In fact, as the 51st state, Iran would transform the United States from being any sort of threat to being obligated to defend it as much as it's prepared to defend Texas.

Of course, if Iran’s initiative toward U. S. statehood is to stand a chance for Congressional approval, Iran and America will obviously have to make some mutual accommodations. For instance, Iran will have to fly the American flag in the state capital, most likely Tehran, and America will have to find a place for the Iranian flag in Washington, as well as the addition of a 51st star to Old Glory.
FULL STORY

HUMOROUS FICTION

JUMPING SHIP

“I can’t stand anymore chicken!” a vacationing guest, who seemed a bit tipsy, shouted at the captain of the cruise ship, and then leaped overboard.

The captain rushed to the rail and peered into the heaving waves. There bobbed his malcontent passenger.

Recently, there had been an inexplicable spate of vacationers aboard cruise ships choosing to jump ship. Now, one of his passengers had chosen to go over the edge.

A shot of adrenalin made his heart thump, and he turned, saw the first mate, and called, “Passenger overboard! Life boat! Man the life boats! Alert the Coast Guard! We need assistance!”

Just then the wife of the man who just jumped ship threw her arms up, and yelled, “Count me out, too!”

“Why?” Captain Walsh demanded.

As she dashed for the railing, she took a moment to inform him, “Even the spaghetti is inedible!” Then over she went.

Walsh watched her spin toward the water and splash down near her water-treading husband. “Dear me,” he lamented, and turned to his curiously desultory first mate, “Make that two lifeboats!” FULL STORY

DREADLINE

Study Determines
Reading NewsLaugh Helps
You Live Longer

HEY, USA

U. S. Farmers Grown Most Corn Since 1944;
Goal Is To Feed Hungry Cars

FOREIGN FUN

Islamic Woman Nabbed
For Wearing Belt Made Of
Live Crocodiles

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SHREDITORIAL

According To News,
Happiness Is No Longer Possible; World Too Crazy

CULTURE & COMEDY

French Architect Solves
4,500-Year-Old Pyramid Mystery; Awaits Answer

TECH HUMOR

Global Warming Update: Eskimos Spot First Palm Tree

CLEVER MONKEY

Golden Retriever, Toby

For Performing The Heimlich Maneuver On His Choking Owner

WITTY QUOTE

“If we were all to bring our misfortunes into a common store, so that each person should receive an equal share in the distribution, the majority would be glad to take up their own and depart.”

Socrates, in Plutarch's Moralia

About Tom Attea, Humorist