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                                                                                                            June 2007                                               ©2007 NewsLaugh.com  

SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

MILITANTS VOW TO EXPORT PRODUCTS THAT CAN BE SOLD AT WAL-MART

Humorous Illustration: Militants Debate  Products They Think Can Be Sold At Wal-Mart

Islamic Militants, on the run even in Iraq for their explosive means of persuasion, are just now realizing that their dream of a Pan-Islamic world may well hinge on, not their ability to export terrorists, but to create products that can be sold at Wal-Mart.

The realization came to none other than Osama Bin Laden when, disguised as an overweight female shopper from Nebraska, he entered a Wal-Mart to buy some badly needed deodorant, along with perfume for his four wives.

It was in selecting fragrances for his wives that the insight dawned on him. In surveying the various offerings, he noted that there were not only American perfumes but French ones. Feeling he might be onto something, he put his choices in his cart and then went browsing.

In the electronics department, he noted the Japanese entries. Next, he examined the food shelves and saw Greek olives. And in the toy section, he noticed a myriad of plastic figures that were made in China.

Then the principal behind his discoveries came to him: the more successful a nation is, the more likely it is to have products for sale at Wal-Mart. Reconsidering his vision of a Pan-Islamic world, he realized the hopelessness of such a grand scheme as long as the entire Islamic world did not have even one product for sale at the telltale chain.

The phrase came to him, “All power comes out of the pockets of consumers at Wal-Mart.” FULL STORY

HUMOROUS FICTION

Make That
An Ounce Of Gas

Peter Piston was driving to work when he realized that he was almost out of gas.

It was payday and, since he lived from paycheck to paycheck, he was also out of cash. His credit cards were burned, too, partly thanks to price of gasoline, which was now at about $4 a gallon.

He had no choice but to pull into the gas station where he usually filled up and ask for a favor. Just as he drove up alongside the pump, his gas-guzzling SUV sputtered to a stop. He was totally empty.

He got out of his car and, for the first time, he actually went inside the establishment, instead of just pumping and running.

“Hi, there,” he said to the man behind the counter, who happened to be the usual hardworking immigrant from India or Pakistan.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you,” the man in blue replied, and held out his hand. “How much?”

“Actually, I’d like to fill ‘er up.”

“Cash or charge?”

“Either one,” Piston said, “but I need to ask you a favor.”

“What is that?”

“Can I have the gasoline now and pay you tomorrow?” Then to justify the request for charity and establish his trustworthiness, he added, “I buy gas here all the time.”
FULL STORY

DREADLINE

Chavez Closes Radio Station;
Music Too Latin For Communism

HEY, USA

Obama Budget May Include
Money For Americans


FOREIGN FUN

G8 Protestors Insist
Nations Have The Right
To Remain Poor

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SHREDITORIAL

Wait Continues
For At Least One Iraqi
To Say Thank You

CULTURE & COMEDY

The Canon: A Whirligig Tour
Of The Basics Of Science

By Natalie Angier
Or Science For Dummies

TECH HUMOR

Fritos Now Heart Healthy;
People Who Eat Them May
Stop Getting Heart Attacks

CLEVER MONKEY

Rudy Giuliani:
For Being The Presecutor Who Learned How To Smile



WITTY QUOTE

“The obstnate man does not hold opinions; they hold him.”

Samuel Butler, Remains II

About Tom Attea, Humorist

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