SANELY FUNNY COVER STORY

SUICIDE BOMBER ARRIVES AT ENTRANCE TO PARADISE AT SAME TIME AS VICTIMS

“What are they doing here?” the suicide bomber asked Allah, pointing to the fifty-two victims he had just blown up along with himself. “I thought I was going to Paradise alone.”

“Don’t let him in!” a dead man called from among the recent arrivals.

“He killed us!” a female victim shouted.

Allah, who was sitting on a gold throne at the entrance to Paradise, held up his scepter, which had a curious red button on top, and told the bomber, “It always happens this way.”

“But why?“ he wanted to know.

Allah held up a scroll on which were written the words he now spoke: “Do the math!”

“I was never good at math,” the bomber admitted. “Please, explain.”

“It’s really quite simple," Allah told him. "The usual transportation speed from the earth to Paradise is a constant. So everybody who dies at the same time arrives here at the same time.”

“Oh,” sighed the bomber, “I didn’t think of that.”
FULL STORY

HUMOROUS FICTION

TOYOTA BECOMES NUMBER ONE CAR COMPANY;
THANKS GENERAL MOTORS

“Thank you so much for making Toyota number one,” the chairman of Toyota, Fujio Cho, said to Richard Wagoner, the CEO of General Motors, and leaned across the conference table to shake his hand.

“Think nothing of it,” Mr. Wagoner replied, obliging the Japanese exec. “The credit belongs entirely to you and your quality-obsessed company.”

“No, no,” the Japanese CEO insisted. “We could never have done it without your reliable incompetence.”

“On the contrary, sir,” the GM CEO replied, eyeing the other American and Japanese executives arrayed around the conference table, “the credit is entirely due to your astonishing competence. After all, you and your company have figured out how to make cars people actually want to buy – form and function, attractively combined.”

“Yes, I think that’s true,” the CEO of Toyota conceded.

“And you’ve figured out how to make cars that are legendarily reliable,” Wagoner went on.

“Yes, I must also agree with that.”

“Then how is it possible that you are thanking me for helping to make you number one?” Mr. Wagoner wanted to know. “I do not deserve any of the credit whatsoever!”

“But, don’t you see, Mr. Wagoner? We owe our success to the fact that you have not quite figured out how to make cars that people really want!” FULL STORY

DREADLINE

Democrats Urge George Bush
To Run For Third Term

HEY, USA

Cheryl Crow Touches Carl Rove; Arm Falls Off

FOREIGN FUN

Female Muslim Sexologist
On TV; Proves More Popular
Than Al-Qaeda

WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

SHREDITORIAL

Idiotic Human Behavior Traced
To Greenhouse Gases

CULTURE & COMEDY

Netflix Informed About
Movies On Demand;
May Stop Mailing DVDs

TECH HUMOR

Scientists Discover
Earthlike Planet; Hope The Civilization Is More Advanced

CLEVER MONKEY

Ahmadinejad And Al-Sadr:

For Cunning Teamwork To Turn
Iraq Into Another Iran

WITTY QUOTE

““I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning – well knowing that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race.” Mark Twain,
Letter to W. D. Howells, 1899

About Tom Attea, Humorist