HEY, USA

IMMIGRATION BILL FAILS; SENATE DEPORTED

Adopting protestations of loyalty to America that may well exceed that espoused by the founding fathers, hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants demonstrated across America, challenging the U. S. government to take steps to clarify their anxious status and at least give the unquestionably productive ones a workable way to achieve citizenship.

Meanwhile, just when the Senate was close to ratifying a compromise bill, that old Diablo in the details, which goes by the annoying moniker of bipartisan wrangling, even if you don’t know how to use a lasso on a steer, defeated it.

According to press releases intended to soften the effect on the psyches of the few people left in America who aren’t illegal immigrants, the press reported that the Senate immediately adjourned for a two-week vacation. We have, however, discovered through a source who begs not to be identified that the vacation angle is a ruse adopted by the Bush administration to delay revealing to the American public the true fate of the Senate.

And the truth is, influential members of the immigrant community lobbied Congress, always resentful of the Senate’s evident superiority, and succeeded in having the entire body deported to the various lands from which their ancestors came.

Roseta Morales, one of the throngs of sign-waving demonstrators in Dallas, confessed, “At first, we were all afraid we’d get arrested for being illegal immigrants. It never dawned on us that we would have the power to have the Senate sent back to their home countries.”

Another demonstrator, named Juan Gomez, effused, with some irony, “It makes me realize more than ever what a great country this is. Not only can anybody grow up to be the President. Anybody can be deported.”

RETURN TO HOME