HEY, USA

Eskimos Reject Free Oil;
Tell Chavez They’d Rather Freeze

It may be colder in Alaska than in any other part of the nation, but the Eskimos are hot under the collar about Hugo Chavez’s comment that President Bush is “the devil.” In fact, they’re so incensed that, freezing temps and drafty homes aside, they’ve told Hugo that he can forget about charity begins away from home. They want no part of his free oil to bribe the poor into approval of him.

For instance, Justine Gunderson, administrator of the tribal council in the Aleut village known as Nelson Lagoon, stated, "As a citizen of this country, you can have your own opinion of our President and our country. But I don't want a foreigner coming in here and bashing us. Even though we're in economically dire straits, it was the right choice to make."

And Dimitri Philemonof, president and chief executive of The Aleutian Pribilof Islands Association, maintained that accepting Hugo’s oil would be "compromising ourselves… I think we have some duty to our country, and I think it's loyalty."

It’s enough to make you wish you were an Eskimo.

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