WASHINGTON SPIN DIN

WASHINGTON MONUMENT DROOPING

It pains us to report that the usually perfectly erect, proud symbol of America, The Washington Monument, has developed a slight but hardly perceptible droop.

The droop was first noticed by an amateur architect, who never takes a vacation without a pocket level.   While visiting the landmark, he happened to place it along the side of it, just on a whim, and noticed that the telltale bubble was not centered but slightly displaced.

Surprised, he reported his finding to the security guards as they were hauling him away for attempting the measurement.  They refused to listen and turned him over to the police for questioning.

Thankfully, when he was asked why he had dared to put a level against such a respected and protected shrine, he said, “I wanted to see if it was standing straight up.”

One detective, who apparently had a commendably curious mind, asked, “Well, what did you find out?”

“It’s tilting to one side just a bit,” the amateur architect confessed.

At first, he was confronted with a chorus of derisive skepticism, but he finally persuaded them to allow him to demonstrate.  The police accompanied him to the monument and, under the most stringent supervision, he was allowed to place his level against it again.  He pointed to the dislocated bubble, and announced, “See, it is tilting.”

When apprised of the revelation, The National Register of Historic Places retained a team of distinguished architects to investigate.

They descended on it with all manner of instruments and concluded that the Washington Monument had indeed began to tilt but that their more extensive measurement revealed the tilt was more of a subtle curve that could more properly be described as a droop.

When asked what might be the cause, there was initial disagreement, until one of the most credentialed architects swore he heard the monument sighing.  Pressed as to what the sigh might indicate, he ventured that perhaps it was tired of standing there so straight and tall when the current conduct of the government and a large proportion of the population was such a letdown, even for a monument.

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