WEATHER AND POLLUTION

GLOBAL WARMING SKEPTICS CLAIM SPRING HAS ARRIVED

This year, April appeared to arrive, at least, so far.

To celebrate, skeptics of global warming were effusing such reassurances as, “Wow, look, it’s warmer but not too warm!”

Their enthusiasm was not entirely unjustified. The usual events of April happened: snow melted but not too fast, rain fell, in some places way too hard, and the temperature rose, not excessively, but only indicatively.

One happy-go-lucky opponent was so giddy he paraphrased Tennyson, claiming, “Spring’s in its heaven and all’s right with world.”

Meanwhile, proponents of global warming pointed out the severe storms that ravaged much of the southeast, voicing devastating condemnations like, “Hey, you call that kind of wind and rain normal?”

We happened to interview the usual couple from Tennessee, who, on this devastating occasion, were standing by the pile of boards that was, before April, their beloved home. “I’ve heard of spring breezes,” the man of the former house said, “but this one just kind of blew right through the house.”

A proponent of global warming was biding his time. “Let’s see what May brings besides flowers. My hunch is that it’ll feel more firecrackers in July.”

President Bush made a call to The National Weather Service and congratulated the staff, noting, “You guys got us out of winter and into spring with hardly a hitch. Good work – and keep up the good weather.”

When challenged by a cantankerous reporter who somehow still had access to him about whether, given the uncertain weather, he still felt curbs on industrial pollution were too burdensome for the American economy to shoulder, he stated, “When spring is in the air, it just doesn’t make any sense to dwell on what else might be there with it.”  

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